This morning while I was doing it, it just felt terribly uncomfortable and upsetting. Perhaps it’s stuff I saw that I rather not see, or just the action of following everyone’s lives in the trail of the internet. The Holy Spirit showed me how this has been contributing to the issue of my tendency to compare myself with others (tendency is a very very modest word for it really), how I’ve spent time looking at others instead of looking up.

Really, so much, so much can be different if I’m just single-heartedly pursuing God.

This is my choice today. And this is my desire from now on.

I love the freedom in worship after everything that has happened. Indeed, so much more are in the open, and everything looks clearer. I want to stay in that sobriety, and I want to let God have full reign in these three days.

And I realised network coverage in Mandurah is sad, but strangely somehow I am able to get a connection with my mobile broadband in my room. So it’s pretty good. Well, it’s late.. Good night :)

He has made everything beautiful in its time. (Ecclesiastes 3:11a)

He showed me this verse today, when I was on my way home from uni, after a long day out. Perhaps it has been one of those ‘tried and tested’ verses that everyone loves, but it just launched me into a whole journey of worship. One song after another song, He brought to my mind His word and promises through the lyrics of songs I’ve known and memorised long before.

And there’s no higher love that I could find
For this joy I will thank You, I will thank You
- Lifted me high again (For this cause – Hillsong)

It’s like He orchestrated it all, to remind me how He is sovereign, how He has the best plans for me and to have it culminate in thanksgiving and praise to Him.

Hahah I love how He loves me – the love that creeps up and engulfs me in joy and comfort.

I need more of that everyday.

Today reminded me of Sundays we went on the church rooftop and talked, laughed, sang while the sun set in the background. That was a long time ago.

I do not yearn for the same experiences, I do not want to yearn for the past. I yearn for the new levels God wants to bring – to tear down, to build up, to add on.

Dear God, I want to be ready. I want to be excited about it.

I acknowledge that music worship has played a big role in setting the stage, or preparing everyone to meet God, and facilitate us in the encounter as well. Last week was pretty amazing, where God did His healing and restoration during music worship, and then equipped and commissioned us to see beyond ourselves to love others. He is gracious in the fact that He cares for us, and ‘fixes us up’ before He asks us to do things for Him.

It’s been a crazy few months, and school has started again. I feel myself slipping along with the current right now, and so I’m ready to get refreshed, restored, recharged by God to a higher level than before. Tomorrow is Sunday, and I look forward to the awesome time of meeting God in that way.

This is not enough, dear Lord, I want more…
There must be more than this.

It always brings back to perspective who I am and my role in His macro plan.

And it’s always exciting to see what He is doing and what He is going to do.

Terribly exciting.

When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

How He loves – David Crowder Band

每當我來到主你寶座前，我心我靈向你俯伏敬拜，
再次將主權交託全能神，懇求你心意向我顯明。

我願觸動你心弦，全心討你喜悅，
我要舉起雙手，降服於你，貼近你的胸懷。

我願觸動你心弦，全心討你喜悅，
我主我的神，求奪我心意，完全屬於你。

That is what I suppose a covenant God is; He does not keep a promise to me, nor do I keep a promise to Him (because I know I can’t keep promises to God like that), but He made a promise, a convenant, to Himself. I’m just joining in for the ride for the best plans for my life.

I was frustrated and I ranted to Him. He replied and left me with the answer of who He is, and what it was all about. And that was more than enough.

He cares, and no He isn’t sadistic and wants to see me miserable. It is definitely hard to see and easy to get angry when I see my life through human eyes. But God.. He holds out the best for me. It is like Him taking away the gift wrapping and placing the present in my hands.

I am who He says I am. And I have Him who contends for me and loves me more than anything else.

That’s more than enough.

Because from the beginning until the end, it has always been a battle for the woman’s heart: for Eve in the garden of Eden, for Israel as a nation, for the bride of Christ – the church. God pursues and fight for the heart since the very beginning, and will continue fighting until the end..

.. and He will win.