I want to churn out many many entries. I wish I didn’t mind as much as before about who reads it or anything, but it’s only being responsible, not to blog about it before running it through in my mind over and over again. I wish I have more substantial stuff I can talk about, but I suppose I stop myself – a lot.
Have I ever told you about the trade-off? For me to write.. reflective, poetic stuff, I need to be immersed in emo songs. Hahha, but it makes me sad and melancholic. So yes, I’ve traded my writing skills for being generally happier most of the time.
It is a good trade-off.
I want to meet up with Jess, and hang and talk.
I want to meet up with Mike and have dimsum.
I want to meet up with the backpacker girls, because they are leaving one by one!
I want to hang out with Ens more at home, talking about everything and nothing.
I want to hang out with the guys and see them do the SF4 arcade stick rotation game. (Haha)
I want to hang out with the Enrich girls! They really enrich my life!
I want to hang out with you, to sit and enjoy non-awkward silences, and epic conversations.
I want to bask in your presence, and stay there and enjoy your love.
But what do I need trade for these? Do I even need to do a trade off to do some of these? Some of these can’t be compromised, but school’s on – and I need to pay my sleep debt.
I felt compelled to blog today, as it being the last Sunday before flying back to Singers. The next few days have been planned out, it includes coffees and catchups, dimsum and dinner, some pampering with the girls, and my first Australia day celebrations.
BTW, Happy Birthday E! Thank you for being one of my bestest friends here, and always loving me with the small things and the big things. I <3 you very much!
Yeah my years have many starts and ends, due to the travelling to and fro the homeland (though at this point homeland is very subjective). It’s always been a very mixed reaction if you ever ask me if I’m excited to leave Perth/go back to SG – perhaps only Jon understands. At this point, I’m leaning towards wanting to stay in Perth because the city is so beautiful and the people are absolutely amazing.
You know you are settled in a place when you can see the goods and the bads of where you are at. Indeed no city is perfect, as with people. Good and bad experiences in the place accumulates as you stay longer. But I think the community of FGA is vastly different from anywhere else I’ve been to in this life so far – in the sense where there is so much nourishment and support. People are so full of love, and not wrapped in their own world. People are hungry for God, and they live lives evident of the love and grace of God. It is always moving forward, always desiring more of God. In a sense I wish this can be said the same of every church in the world – it should be, but sadly we know it’s not. Thus I thank God because He brought me to an excellent training ground to prepare me for what is ahead.
That’s why I’m slightly dreading leaving this environment. And the quiet and empty apartment where solitude is enjoyed tremendously. And the days of summer where meetups are spontaneous, and where hanging with friends are peaceful and lazy.
And now I’m leaving this place in 4 days for 3+ weeks of non-stop action, festivities, shopping, major catching-ups and eating-outs. Hello, bustling Singapore.
Blogging here has been terribly sporadic. I’m sorry. You see, inspirations and ideas hit me in the day, but I’ve not had the little pocket moleskine that should contain these little gems. Maybe I should note them down, because they make excellent brain exercise and blog topics. Hmm.
I feel like I’ve let my intellect go a lot. Not that I have become more stupid, and no you cannot put being FOB on the same measuring scale. But yes, I’ve drastically reduced using the brain to rationalise, to justify, to put my point across. The days of writing SFTW was really a mental workout, and spoke to me very clearly that I cannot be a journalist that lives under deadlines – there will be nothing I can churn out.
Then again I’m glad. I have found using my intellect as a source of pride for me. Well, and on hindsight, there hasn’t been much to be proud of either. I read my open letter, which kind of launched SFTW into the near 200 posts we have written, and I cringed. My letter felt like a Christianized version of a Facebook group that talks about “102 things guys should know about girls” – guard our hearts brothers, please guard our hearts.
The girls cooked up dinner and had a North&South half-marathon that day (skipped the boring-ish bits and delved into the juicy bits with Margaret Hale and Mr. Thorton), and watching it again, Jas and I picked up how Margaret seemed to have led Mr. Lennox on very subtly, and ultimately left him heartbroken while she and Mr. Thorton had their happily ever after. That wasn’t fair to Mr. Lennox.
So here, I’m telling you, sisters, guard your brothers’ hearts. And respect them, and stop expecting them to do everything for you. In fact, not just your brothers, but any male friends you have. Because I know it’s different with guys in church and outside. Still, they need to be treated to be respect. Yes, educate them and help them develop to be the men God intended them to be, but they do not have to do your bidding in everything. And don’t look as their well-meaning service and say that they should do just because they are guys – they do it because they love you enough to do so. And I have no doubt that the brothers I have in my life right now will protect and defend me if the need ever arises. (Thanks guys by the way. You all are awesome, and you pretty much know who you are.)
So don’t lead them on in any way sisters if you do not desire to reach an understanding (to borrow a very Austen term), because these guys are good men who deserves the best ladies God have planned for them, and it would be dishonour to God to not guard their hearts till then.
Okay done with the very sober and rather non-emotional rant. Here’s the song that has been stuck in my head for the last week, for your enjoyment.
- I can survive without the national holidays I got to celebrate in Singapore 20 years before I came here. Although Australia doesn’t get as many holidays as Singapore does, the amount of Christmas caroling they do here (nearly ad nauseum) is enough to overcrowd the effects of the excessive Christmas lightings on Orchard Road in Singapore. And the amount of fireworks Aussie Idol final show gets is comparable to a Singapore National Day.
- Amount of alcohol Australians consume can drown Singapore. (Exaggeration) I’ve been introduced to the drinking culture, and possibly have increased my alcohol tolerance. Unfortunately, the alcohol knowledge did not extend to the classroom where I made up what BAC meant during a presentation. Very embarrassing. By God’s grace though, I’ve got a distinction for that unit.
- I’m just watching an old episode of Oprah on TV, where it was the day before Obama’s inauguration, and they had this ‘America’ song – and I realised the amount of national songs Singapore has (x = existing classics + yearly new songs that become classics + new songs nobody sings because it’s too hard to catch) and the patriotism (country and school-wise) we’ve got instilled in us through the years of education.. MANNN. Maybe that’s why I have slight withdrawal symptoms from not celebrating Singapore National Day.
I was out doing some grocery shopping near my place, and on my walk back, saw two ladies (possibly african) from a distance, walking and carrying babies on their backs, one hand carrying bags of groceries, and on their heads balancing more groceries.
It took me a minute or two to realise that my eyes are not playing tricks on me. There are green plastic bags balancing on their heads. I was about 50-100 metres behind them, and got to see oncoming pedestrians do a double take as they walk back them.
I feel so displaced! It’s like this part of Perth has a hint of home (with the malay banter I hear in Makan Makan) but has hints of so many other places in the world. Yes, it does feel like the world sent its representatives and have them settled in this suburb.
It’s not a melting pot, where everyone’s cultures clash and become new cultures. It’s just a meeting place, where what you might see only on TV documentaries are all live outside your house.
2 Deliver me from the workers of iniquity,
And save me from bloodthirsty men.
(Psalm 59:2)
Hahah, excuse my corniness.
I think it’s called conditioning, but in an attempt to know the things we sell, I’ve been surfing the company catalogue online. I have fallen in love with some of the shoes on the website. Like these:
So pretty!! I realised I have an inclination to peep-toe heels. (:
- Classical concerts. You expect to sit there and be washed over by the beauty of the music, but you know.. clapping non-stop for 3 encores.. is quite a bit of work. Especially after about 2 years of non-activity.
- Online enrolment. Supposed to make things easier, being available 24/7 and accessible from any computer, but so far has still been a terrible terrible pain in the . Every page takes half a minute to load. And while this is quite the norm in the year 2000, it’s horrendous in the standard of 2009.
I stay in an area where it is seriously a melting pot of cultures. It’s as if everywhere around the world has sent at least one representative from the country to stay in this part of town. Perhaps that’s why it is known to be dodgy as well – just so many unknowns and unfamiliar people.
Perhaps one thing I’ve found both irritating and comforting is hearing Chinese pop songs (that are recent and that I actually recognise) being blasted from someone’s place wherever I’m at the backyard hanging out my laundry.
Just then as I study in my room, I just hear an uncle sneezing looouuuudddddd with abandonment – a very very heartlander thing to do.
Funny, I’ve never heard the use of the word ‘heartlander’ used anywhere other than Singapore. But really, what an endearing term. Heart-land. The land where your heart belongs to.
Obviously that uncle has made this part of town very much his land already.
.. your parents were not superheroes, but merely humans?
That fact still throws me into a mini-state of insecurity. No doubt, I am a 5 hours flight away from them and very used to not be under their surveillance direct care, but the emotional and mental safety net still exists.
And realising that they are humans that are not perfect.. it’s such a new thought. Maybe I’m a little old to just realise that, but hey, I’m my daddy’s girl.
I’m not sure where I want to go with this, but does that scare you too?
