I apologise for the lack of meetups with dear friends (Asmah, I know you read my blog, and I know you leave a message on my tagboard. SORRY!) as this break is primarily to rest and spend time with family. Funny thing is that although I want to spend time with family, my family is busy as well. Hurhur. Today I stayed home and did household chores.

Despite that, the quality conversations we had is indeed what I’ve came back for. Thank God because He knew how everything was going to culminate and end up in this (I think of this as something near the climax already), and timing for everything has been impeccable. Yay God! :)

I’ve been getting rest too. I’ve been having 8 to 9 hours of sleep a night! Somehow the Singapore weather has permitted some rather awesome sleeptime, I’ve been waking near midday. Although it sounds very much like as if I have undone all my early morning waking up thing, I know that somehow it didn’t matter that much this time. And yeahh, my body has refused to get up until it gets enough rest. And the bed and pillow back home here is so.. comfortable.

Other than that, the strangest prayer I’ve prayed has been answered: I told God I want a new bag (He told me I could pray it lol). Firstly He gave me a trip back to Singapore – food and shopping haven. Totally sets the stage for epic bag purchase. Ps Judy prayed for me before I came back, along with the healing and the rest and the time with family, to buy bags that are reasonably price and nice. Current bag count: 3

I know that we always say home is where God is. But this tiny island is home, where I have grown up and was moulded, where my family and friends are. Amidst the irony of finding rest in Singapore, I found rest in this home.

It must be God.

This morning while I was doing it, it just felt terribly uncomfortable and upsetting. Perhaps it’s stuff I saw that I rather not see, or just the action of following everyone’s lives in the trail of the internet. The Holy Spirit showed me how this has been contributing to the issue of my tendency to compare myself with others (tendency is a very very modest word for it really), how I’ve spent time looking at others instead of looking up.

Really, so much, so much can be different if I’m just single-heartedly pursuing God.

This is my choice today. And this is my desire from now on.

I love the freedom in worship after everything that has happened. Indeed, so much more are in the open, and everything looks clearer. I want to stay in that sobriety, and I want to let God have full reign in these three days.

And I realised network coverage in Mandurah is sad, but strangely somehow I am able to get a connection with my mobile broadband in my room. So it’s pretty good. Well, it’s late.. Good night :)

He has made everything beautiful in its time. (Ecclesiastes 3:11a)

He showed me this verse today, when I was on my way home from uni, after a long day out. Perhaps it has been one of those ‘tried and tested’ verses that everyone loves, but it just launched me into a whole journey of worship. One song after another song, He brought to my mind His word and promises through the lyrics of songs I’ve known and memorised long before.

And there’s no higher love that I could find
For this joy I will thank You, I will thank You
- Lifted me high again (For this cause – Hillsong)

It’s like He orchestrated it all, to remind me how He is sovereign, how He has the best plans for me and to have it culminate in thanksgiving and praise to Him.

Hahah I love how He loves me – the love that creeps up and engulfs me in joy and comfort.

I need more of that everyday.

Today reminded me of Sundays we went on the church rooftop and talked, laughed, sang while the sun set in the background. That was a long time ago.

I do not yearn for the same experiences, I do not want to yearn for the past. I yearn for the new levels God wants to bring – to tear down, to build up, to add on.

Dear God, I want to be ready. I want to be excited about it.

I acknowledge that music worship has played a big role in setting the stage, or preparing everyone to meet God, and facilitate us in the encounter as well. Last week was pretty amazing, where God did His healing and restoration during music worship, and then equipped and commissioned us to see beyond ourselves to love others. He is gracious in the fact that He cares for us, and ‘fixes us up’ before He asks us to do things for Him.

It’s been a crazy few months, and school has started again. I feel myself slipping along with the current right now, and so I’m ready to get refreshed, restored, recharged by God to a higher level than before. Tomorrow is Sunday, and I look forward to the awesome time of meeting God in that way.

This is not enough, dear Lord, I want more…
There must be more than this.

It always brings back to perspective who I am and my role in His macro plan.

And it’s always exciting to see what He is doing and what He is going to do.

Terribly exciting.

my heart will sing no other name -

jesus.

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That is what I suppose a covenant God is; He does not keep a promise to me, nor do I keep a promise to Him (because I know I can’t keep promises to God like that), but He made a promise, a convenant, to Himself. I’m just joining in for the ride for the best plans for my life.

I was frustrated and I ranted to Him. He replied and left me with the answer of who He is, and what it was all about. And that was more than enough.

He cares, and no He isn’t sadistic and wants to see me miserable. It is definitely hard to see and easy to get angry when I see my life through human eyes. But God.. He holds out the best for me. It is like Him taking away the gift wrapping and placing the present in my hands.

I am who He says I am. And I have Him who contends for me and loves me more than anything else.

That’s more than enough.